bleedingfilth

Living in the outskirts of Toronto is so different than living in Nova Scotia. For one there are ethnic people bloody everywhere. It’s like a great salad of Asians, Italians, West Indians, East Indians and Sri Lankans. It’s unbelievable; for the first time in my life, my brown arse is finally a majority! I’ve never been on a bus or to the mall where the white guys are the minority; it’s kinda fab actually!

The downside is these ethic guys are total pigs. Jamaican/Guyanese/African guys are just so effin’ aggressive! It’s like they never saw a girl before; they come up to you all smarmy like, demanding to know if you got a boyfriend and what you’re doing tonight and what your number is. Good gravy, get going chancho! I be doing nothing with your horny-arse tonight!

Indian/Sri Lankan guys are even worse...first they stare incessantly at you, not even bothering to fucking blink and then they actually make kissing noises as you walk past! It is so degrading and so disgusting; especially considering that 95% of these champs sport thick, glistening moustaches. GROSS TOWN I SAY.

On the upside, my b-day is the 28th of this month and Rash got me Lady Gaga tickets! She’s playing downtown Toronto on my b-day and I’m so effin’ excited. Lady Gaga is the shits; she can do no wrong as far as I’m concerned. Her concert will be epic to end all epics, especially Bad Romance. I’m so psyched; I’m gonna get so drunk I won’t be able to see!

Now I just need to find an outfit smashing enough to be worthy of my b-day and Lady Gaga...slutty dress and hooker boots with glam eye make-up methinks? I’ll be giving the FOBs REALLY something to stare at!

I just hope Lady Gaga wears the fire bra...seeing that shit live once just wasn’t enough!

~*~In lieu of National Bad Poetry Day~*~

Though your crumpled looseleaf-thin skin smells like urine
With overtones of crackling Congestive Heart Failure
And true, you lost a foot to Diabetes
And the stump you got left is all black on the bottom,

Probably I’ll still love you.
Or at least will be strongly fond of you (and your pension)

I like the way you shuffle to the can
With your arse hanging out the Johnny shirt.
I like that your blood pressure pill (50mg BID)
Is the same colour as your overpriced lipstick crud.

You don’t nag me anymore ‘cause of the dementia
And that stroke you had back in ‘08
So I can finally get some peace around here.
‘Cept when you shit your Attends.

I lend you my right hearing aid
And I borrow your dentures when I eat steak
So that we can save a few bucks.

I hope one day that we don’t gotta share a room
At the Old Folks Home.




***Mayhaps I've been working with seniors too long? Ahahahahah!

Lookit what "Marrying The Vitch" won! How marvy is it that writing the SEXY story about Indian characters won such a fab award?

V. marvy I say...v marvy indeed!

Instructions

1. Post ten of any pictures currently on your hard drive that you think are self-expressive.

2. NO CAPTIONS! It must be like we're speaking with images and we have to interpret your visual language just like we have to interpret your words.

3. They must ALREADY be on your hard drive -- no googling or flickr! They have to have been saved to your folders sometime in the past. They must be something you've saved there because it resonated with you for some reason.

4. You do NOT have to answer any questions about any of your pictures if you don't want to. You can make them as mysterious as you like. Or you can explain them away as much as you like.

( The Many Expressions of Nurse Deena )

There is nothing funnier than being downtown in the hot sunshine and watching the Gay Pride Parade with your East Indian Mum. Talk about your hearty guffaws per second!

First Mum needed to know whether everyone watching the Parade was 'of the gay' or not. After I asked her if she was gay, she got a clue. So we settled down to watch and Mum commented on all the rainbow flags and ribbons.

"Wery much colourful!" she exclaimed, much to my and my sister’s endless amusement.

So we explained to her that the rainbow was the official colours of Gay Pride. "That’s why all the mans and womans is wearing the hairs and clothes and make-ups of rainbow!" she cried, watching a bunch of half-naked dudes twirl around rainbow ribbons to the beat of Lady Gaga.

Then we hooted when a guy wearing a rainbow speedo and make-up gave Mum a condom and told her to be good.

"Chee what this? Gross!" And she was giggling so much at this point that she could barely talk.

Other highlights included asking Mum if she wanted a picture with this bald studly dude wearing lots of S&M leather... "No! Yucky! I don’t want any foto with this bowl-headed junky mans!"

Because that’s what my Mum calls bald guys...bowl-headed. Ahahahaha!

Also asking Mum if she liked the little bum of this young lad wearing gold lamé boy shorts and gyrating to YMCA was definitely good value.

"Chee-chee! Bad girls, why you look there, henh?"

And then there was her general astonishment when we pointed out various Drag Queens and told her they were men.

"Vhat? No! How that can be mans? You sure?"

All in all, a most excellent day.

Everyone should do gay pride with a middle-aged East Indian woman!

As it's been 9 months since my last post...the time in which human beings are created...I figured an update of sorts is due. If nothing then to make me feel better about my writing laziness.

A) Being a nurse is all kinds of fabulous. Two different floors in the hospital want me to work for them. My current job doesn't want to let me go. They think I'm kind of glam, which is wonderful. Who doesn't adore being complimented for the work they do on a daily basis?

B) I'm much too addicted to Facebook then is healthy. How many pictures of me wearing outlandish eyeshadow and liner can I post? Well A LOT apparently.

C) I saw 'Miracle at St. Anna's' last night. It was nearly -3- hours long. I got the bum cramps. Lil' mini Halloween Twix helped. At work one of the RNs had this little chubby 100 calorie mini Coke when I gushed about how cute the lil' guy was, she thought I was too odd for fraud. But it WAS cute, super cute actually!

D) PUMPKIN REGATTA. Only two weeks away. It will be another marvy event because really now, who wouldn't LOVE to watch the locals race 1000 lbs + pumpkins across the widening Windsor river? Last year, there were lots and lots of rainbows too!

E) Margarita Monday tomorrow night with fellow nurses! Mad make-up is definitely called for; how else can you fully dazzle when wearing a short yellow skirt and super high boots? See Facebook for further details.

F) Working on another epic Rudy/Mike story with drunk Rudy because how hilarious would that be? Maybe Rudy would even be exactly the same. Cannot fathom it.

OK, I suppose this is good enough to last another 9 months.

BUTT BUSTER.

Those are the two epic words chosen to describe a 10 inch penis in the story I've just been reading.

BUTT BUSTER.

OH GAY SEX.

I can just see the scene now..."Harder you meathead, harder! Go on, bust my eeny weeny little butt with your mammoth butt buster!"

*chortles helplessly*

I vow to entitle the next story I write "The Butt Buster". Whether it will feature the many doings of an exercise contraption or a cleaning contraption or pleasure contraption will be anyone's guess really.

Title: Just Another Thursday Night
Author: bleedingfilth
Pairing: Bruno/Boots
Rating: PG-13
Length: 1,923
Summary: Neither of them registered the sudden scrape of the sitting room door opening.
Author’s Notes: Written for calathea’s Third Fanniversary. Her prompt was Bruno and Boots getting caught in a compromising situation. Enjoy!

X-posted to exaltedkarpoozi and scrimmettes


( Just Another Thursday Night )

LOVED 'Deathly Hallows'...like WHOA.

The ACTION! Was so much fun to read! Happiness!

And seriously, I actually liked the epilogue. Seems probably I'm the only one. Anyone else like the epilogue?

*slinks off to write some Bruno/Boots ficcage*

KORMAN KISSAGE MEME!

Come post your favourite Korman characters kissing! Sloppy, sweet, Quebecois, chaste, crappy, hot, awkward, shy...post it all here!

EDIT: I've decided to write a little ficlet for each of my favourite Korman pairings...FIVE down X number to go!

To Everyone on my FLIST:

IF YOU LOVE THE HARRY POTTER BOOKS THAN YOU WILL LOVE GORDON KORMAN NOVELS ALSO!!!!
Not because they are similar in anyway because yeah, they are NOT. However, they are both books for children and young adults and some not-so young adults (ie ME).

Gordon Korman is a Canadian author and I have been rereading his books for the past -17- years so come on, you know he has to be good! He is the single most HILARIOUS author of children's fiction I have EVER come across...and indeed I have come across quite a bit of children's fiction! So I urge everyone to give him a chance! His books revolve around the highly COMEDIC, tres WITTY antics of Canadian schoolboys, all of whom are HIGHLY SLASHABLE!

Korman's novels aren't easy to come by if you live outside of Canada, however fellow Korman fan lynnmonster is hosting the entire Bruno and Boots series available for downloading now!

See this post: http://calathea.livejournal.com/198753.html at calathea's journal for further details!

SO YES, GO READ AND THEN WRITE!!! Kormanslash is a really small fandom and we need more writers or even just more SQEEEE-ers!

So off you guys go...shoooo! Vamoosh!

LOVE DEENA

Title: Checkmate
Author: bleedingfilth
Fandom: 'I Want To Go Home'
Pairing: Rudy/Mike with a special guest appearance by Mr. Morenz, the Sci-Fi reading gym teacher from 'Radio Fifth Grade'
Rating: R
Length: 9,229
Summary: Rudy wonders if it’s worth risking the only friendship he’s ever known for one sticky autumn kiss.
Author’s Notes: For calathea, naturally. She wanted an IWTGH fic from Rudy’s POV so here’s what I managed to come up with. I found Rudy surprisingly easy to write; maybe it’s because I first read IWTGH when I was 10 and haven’t stopped rereading it since or maybe it’s because I just really, really love a longing Rudy. Enjoy!

X-posted to exaltedkarpoozi and scrimmettes


( Checkmate )

I GRADUATED AND GOT UTTERLY SMASHED AND RECEIVED MY LICENSE TO PRACTICE NURSING AND AS SUCH MY HAPPINESS CANNOT BE CONVEYED BY MERE WRITTEN WORDS.

( ME WITH MY BRAND NEW LIL' BEBE LICENSE )

I PASSED MY NATIONAL NURSING EXAM LIKE WHOA!!!!!!!!

I JUST CAN'T BELIEVE IT!!!! GOD, HOW MY HANDS SHOOK!!!!

I'M FINALLY A LICENSED NURSE AND I AM SO FUCKING THRILLED!!!!!!!

I'M HAVING A MILLION AND FIVE DRINKS NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Title: Getting Lucky Without Vacationing to Theamelpos (yet)
Author: bleedingfilth
Pairing: Raymond/Sean with guest appearances by Gramp, Wilbur, Sidney, Elmer, Douglas, and Commando
Rating: PG-13
Length: 5,446
Summary: Raymond may be his best 'comrade' but there could be no denying the fact that he was also the original Captain Obnoxious.
Author’s Notes: This story takes place three months after the events of 'A Semester in the Life of a Garbage Bag'. It’s been written for the great Gordon Korman Science Fair crossover. Needless to say, I had an obscene amount of fun writing this. Enjoy!

X-posted to exaltedkarpoozi and scrimmettes and intlsciencefair

( Getting Lucky Without Vacationing to Theamelpos )

What is awesome?

Day surgery is effing awesome...well at least from an observational perspective.

I spent the day in Day Surgery and I got to see:4 Colonoscopies
1 Gastroscope
1 Vasectomy
1 Ganglion Removal

I also go to take out four saline lock needles from the dorsum of five different hands...which was where they injected the Fentanyl used to freeze the patients for their Colonoscopies.

It was BLOODY thrilling...to the MAX.

The Colonoscope (which is a thin, flexible tube with a camera on the end of it) is inserted into the rectum and then pushed up into the large intestines. You can see all the action on these large LSD screens and it FABTASTIC. The guts are pink and rippled and pretty. You could see what the person had eaten recently; I saw what looked like eggs and cucumber seeds. One guy had really bubbly bile and so the surgeon pressed a button on the colonoscope which shot water up into the bowels and he washed all the bubbles away.

Watching the Dr. brandish that scope and wield it around all the curves and corners of the large intestines reminded me of Dr. Octopus and his many robotic arms from Spiderman.

One woman had a polyps, which is a tiny extra bit of tissue that can turn cancerous so the Dr. used this little pincher thing on the end of the colonoscope to pick it off. It bled. On the screen the polyps looked like it was the size of an almond but when the pincher came out of the colon, the polyps was really only the size of a pin head.

I SO hope to all the YE GODS out there that I never have to have an exploratory tube shoved up my guts, I’d rather DIE OF SHAME, thanks.

The Gastroscope was similar only the tube was shoved down the mouth route instead. The woman had to drink a solution which diminished her gag reflex and then we could see inside her stomach and small intestines and it was GLORIOUS because I got to see all the ulcers inside her stomach. They were raw and bled when the Dr. pressed the scope against them.

It was some cool ass HOOPLA I say.

Then I thought that the vasectomy would be a long procedure but really it only took like ten minutes and buddy spent the entire time talking about how he’s into photography and all the cool pics he’s taken.

The Dr. got buddy to hup into the operating table. Then he took this bloody ENORMOUS needle...it looked like a 16 gauge needle to me and loaded it up with Xylocaine. He then froze one size of buddy’s scrotum, hacked it open, cut off some of the vas deferens, sutured it together and did the same to the other guy. All buddy ever felt was the needle going in but not the slicing.

Then the Dr. held out that cut up piece of vas deferens and let me grope it for a while. The vas deferens is a hard tube and when you press it, it won’t flatten so the Dr. explained that that was how he knew he was severing the vas deferens and not the seminal vesicles for example.

The last procedure I saw of the day was a ganglion cyst removal. A ganglion was this swelling sac on top of the ankle; it was clear and looked like a cataract. The good Dr. cut open buddy’s ankle and oh did buddy ever yodel. The Dr. kept injecting Xylocaine into the tissue surrounding the cyst and still the buddy could feel the Dr. hacking into his foot. The Dr. ending up injecting two of those plastic bars of Xylocaine into this guy and still he could feel the Dr. sawing away.

The cyst was really attached to the ankle and it was stubborn; the Dr. took ages shearing the cyst from the tissue with his little scalpel. Then he cut into the ganglion and all this clear, gelatinous caviar-like material came oozing. One of the nurses scooped that shit up and stuffed it into a specimen jar to send down to the lab. I felt so bad for buddy, he was shrieking and hollering and could feel the pressure of metal against his joint, in spite of all the local anaesthesia he’d received. It was a longer then expected procedure, since the cyst was being stubborn as the Dr. put it.

I wasn’t complaining though, it was bloody GLORIOUS...in more ways then one.

Mans, the only suck thing about being in Day Surgery was that I couldn’t DO anything other then stand around and watch; I wanted to hack some fishy-filled Foots up!

And that’s some pretty nifty alliteration to end with.

I saw a prolapsed bladder at work today. That is a female urological condition where the bladder comes out of the vagina due to weakened vaginal walls. One part of the bladder was bright red, like blood and the rest of it was wrinkly purple. It looked kind of like an NH3 molecule and kind of like a bouquet of long toes. I poked it with a gloved finger and it felt like the time I got to play with a placenta on the maternity ward during clinical. Only I didn't tear apart the bladder like I did the placenta and it wasn't sitting in a bucket of bloody after-birth either.

I suppose seeing a cystocele is as good a way as any to end 2006.

I just did my catherization testing and it was awesome because I passed so ergo I am awesome because I passed and all is well in my life once again.

Sure I dropped my sterile catheter on the floor and sure I didn't know to pop the top of the syringe and panicked because it didn't fit into the catheter and sure the sterile catheter package touched my unsterile scrubs but I still passed and I wasn't even nervous because the lady testing me wasn't one of my professors and she failed me for my blood pressure testing on Friday...twice so she already knew how much of a knob I am so what did I care if she saw how I fooled up catherization? But I still passed so I know that I know how to do this and once I start working on the surgical unit at South Shore Regional next week I just can't wait to catherize the fuck outta some poor sap.

Ahahahahahahah, I can already hear 500cc of clear, straw-coloured urine rushing through my head.

Clinical starts in two weeks and I'm bloody petrified but in such a good way. I've been placed on the surgical unit at South Shore Regional Hospital and I'm damn ecstatic because surgical floor owns medical floor, a dead monkey could see that. I'll be working for seven weeks, alternating between day shifts one week and night shifts the next and I can't wait.

I really hope I get to catherize someone, even though the very idea of it scares the shite out of me, and I especially hope it's not a woman. I can just see me being the dumbass knob who catherizes her vagina and then scratches my fat head and is like, "Duh, why's no urine draining?" But with a guy, there's only one place to stick the tube in and I now know how to maneuver the tube in past the prostate and into the bladder.

Of course catherizing a mannequin is a lot different than catherizing a real person. Good goulash, I've never been this mix of fear and excitement before. I just hope I can learn enough of everything before two weeks because I don't want to look like a honking retard, drooling all over the surgical unit.

Oh Gods I can't wait. I wanna see a great bloody surgery so bad...if I saw a bowel surgery I'd die of excitement, I know I would.

My summer is nearly done and I haven’t gone anywhere, I’ve barely hung out with my friends, I haven’t gotten shitfaced and gone dancing and I certainly haven’t done any of my piles of Nursing homework. Oh woeful passage of time.

All my days have fused into one great, endless blur of bathing old people and putting creams on them to prevent pressure ulcers and stuffing their legs in TED stockings to promote venous return and using the lifts to get them up into their wheelchairs and feeding them while trying to avoid being spit on and being excited when they finally have a bowel movement and no longer being amazed at green and tar-black and greenish-black and bloody shits and changing pad after pad after bed linen after bed linen soaked with pee and my back and shoulders and feet constantly ache.

I’ve been bitten, hit, kicked, spit on, had a penis waggled at me, called every swear word there is and then some and I still love this job. I love seniors and their crazy antics. The only days I’ve ever had shitty shifts was because of the staff working and the RN on duty, not because of the residents. Mostly I like my job a lot and mostly I’m so excited that two weeks tomorrow I’ll be done it. While I don’t want to move back to the Stix and have to deal with all the weak-ass chicks in my nursing class, I will be glad to leave Northwood Nursing Home. See ya, 400+ old people!

However...by this time next year I will be a nurse and I’ll be medicating those old folks right up their reddened, flimsy-skinned bottoms.

Because I need to keep track of these things...

Funny Things Senile Old People Have Said To Me

"You’re such a pretty young girl with such big brown eyes. Your face is beautiful like my sandal."

"If that is my room then gimme me my keys so I can go do my taxes in peace!"

"I threw all my pillows on the floor because they were being too loud and I’m trying to sleep."

"I’ll eat my pudding when you grow up little girl!"

"Go away cocksucker!" (after the resident cat brushed up against this woman’s walker)

"If you try to make me sit on the toilet I’ll call the mayor on you."

"You don’t like the look of my magnificent body naked because you’re a cranky old woman."

Heh heh heh.

Yesterday was such a depressing day because it was the last time I’ll see Zainub until next summer. We and Morgan went out for supper and then watched a hilarious Chinese movie called 'Sholin Soccer', which is my new favourite comedy after 'Nacho Libre'. Zainub and I’ve been best friends since 1998 (has it really been eight fucking years babe?) and last night was the first time I ever cried in front of a best friend. I blubbered like an asshat all over Zainub when she hugged me good-bye. I suppose the fact that I’d only hung out with her a handful of times, unlike last summer, and the fact that we’d just been talking about how wonderful friends we were, got me all weepified. Christ I hate crying. I hope I never cry again, it’s damn embarrassing.

I just hope that come this December, I'll be able to go visit Zainub in Kuwait with Morgan. If I can’t come over for her wedding then no friend am I.

I want to see a camel and then make a big stink at how much it stinks. Camels are gross. So are feet.